Hiding your ugly self from the world just got easier. Try plastic surgery – a lifetime alternative to the inconvenient make-up. Why show the world your true, ugly, features, when you can unmask something beauteous, complete with Anime eyes, narrow nose, big breasts, and a round butt? Dang, all the guys would be coming to you.
And if everyone were to have plastic surgery, the world would be such a better place. No more worrying about looks, since we’d all look like Nikki Minaj or J Lo. We would attract one another so much easier. As a society, reproduction rates would then boom, girls would get guys, guys would get girls. Everybody would be what doctors call “active”. Mating season would be year round for everyone. Everybody, including even, the elderly.
The wrinkly old people can look young again. No more saggy arms, raison faces, liver spots, or transparent veiny skin. Widows could be back on dating sites, and in no time, they could find their second true love.
Some have said people should express their own natural beauty, but honestly, the only people with natural beauty are Justin Bieber and Scarlett Johanson. Everyone else needs to find a surgeon.
Others have proposed that we should be ourselves, love your body, blah blah blah because others would like you for who you are. Right, sure. But as Niki Minaj once said, “My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun” Meaning, the only way you’re going to get boys is to pump up your parts.
You might have heard that the actual process of getting plastic surgery would hurt. But whoever you heard that from is a liar. The drilling in your bones, the grinding of your tissue, the cracking of your jaws, the tear of your cartilage, and the dissection of your own flesh would feel like nothing because the doctors give you a little pain killer before hand. The “excruciating pain” and “screaming agony” people recall when getting their skin sliced open, is fake! Just swallow a bottle of painkillers and you will be fine.
What’s even better, is that you will be wide awake during the whole operation! Who wouldn’t want to feel their fat molecules getting sucked out of their body during liposuction? Or feel the contortion of your ugly face with sharp metal instruments during a face lift? Or as a knife is sliced right through your “girls”? I, personally, would love it!
Um, as for ethos, I’m speaking from personal experience. A month ago, I got my own boob job at a local knife clinic. It turned out great, and the premium boob job was dirt cheap! Of course everyone there was Plastic Surgery USDA AP Collegeboard certified, I mean, they even showed me a sticker to prove it. That being said, there definitely aren’t any sketchy or inexperienced doctors around. In my operation, they recalled I was screaming and crying because of the pain. What liars, I know it felt good.
Right now, my big chest area looks weird, but the puffy swelling, the giant bruises, and the big random lumps, all side-effects which breast implants are likely to give you, should go away soon! These babies will definitely turn into the Kardashian mellons that I hoped for.
Anyhow, I believe everyone should have plastic surgery. Who wouldn’t want giant breasts or a nice butt? Who wouldn’t want that perfect, thin, narrow face? I know boys have already been saying “I’d tap that” behind my back. See what breast implants have done for me? And in addition, plastic surgery is safe and pain free, guaranteed to work! So what are you waiting for? Get plastic surgery today, you ugly people!